A little voice from heaven... This one's for you, Bruce!

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My previous blog post – I am Done! (blogpost: I-am-Done) seems to have resonated with many. I keep getting messages about how much people could relate to this post and how this particular article challenged them to think about what they are done with… Thanks for the feedback guys, it means a lot!

In this blog, I want to reflect on one piece of feedback that I received that made my day. After a particularly long day that ended with a challenging call from someone close to me, offering what seemed like criticism on something I had done, I put the phone down, only to hear it ring again. The first thought that ran through my mind was… shew! When is this going to end? On the other side of the line, I heard an unfamiliar voice who said – is this Daphna? I’m not sure if you’ll remember me but I’m Bruce, we met a couple of years ago. Of course I remembered Bruce straight away - we had met briefly and chatted about coaching more than two years back. Bruce then went on to tell me that he felt compelled to call me after reading an article I had written that he really enjoyed. He understood that people often write without knowing who is reading and what the impact of our writing is and he felt moved to call me to give me his feedback. I was blown away that he had made this effort and I asked which article it was that he was referring to? He immediately said – the one called ‘I am done!’ He continued to say that this article had caused him to think about his own circumstances and that he was ready to take up the challenge of ‘what are you done with?’ He said some beautiful and encouraging words and eventually we ended the call hoping that our paths would cross again in future.

There are two aspects to Bruce’s call that meant so much to me and caused me to reflect.

The first aspect was that his call came at a real low point in my day when I felt that I was dealing with a whole lot of nonsense that was just being thrown at me – one thing after another. When I paused to reflect on the sequence of events, I truly saw this as a little voice from heaven reminding me of my own words – I am done! I immediately realised that I could choose what to take on and what not to. There were elements of my day that were mine to sort through and there were elements of my day that I was throwing right back to the thrower! I am done with that! And the message came with impeccable timing.

Lets all begin to notice those messages that seem to come just at the right moment to remind us of something important we may have forgotten. Everyone gets their own little voice from heaven.

The second aspect was that here was Bruce, reading an article on the internet that he enjoyed but he didn’t stop at that. He went on to make a call to pay a compliment to the writer – moi! How often do we stop what we’re doing to pay a compliment to someone else for something that they did really well? From the way I felt, I can tell you that Bruce’s gesture meant the world to me – so why don’t we do this more often? And… when someone does pay us a compliment, how often do we brush it off and think – they don’t really mean it, it wasn’t a big deal! At the very least we can stop to appreciate the complimentor’s efforts and intention. A further step would be to give more compliments ourselves. Go out and begin telling people what you appreciate about them.

Thank you, Bruce, for reminding me of the power of a compliment, for taking the time and effort to make that call and for being the little voice from heaven, reminding me of exactly what I needed to remember at that moment!

I am done.

Time Elasticity - Huh?

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Have you noticed how time never seems equal in different situations? For example, when you're in the flow of doing an activity that you truly love and are fully engaged in, an hour can pass by as if it was only a minute. Yet, when you're sitting in a boring meeting where people are not connecting and talking about matters that don't seem to be of real significance, one minute can seem like an hour.

How is that possible? 

I've recently come across some reading on the elasticity of time and even had an experience of it myself. What I understand this to mean is that, essentially, time can be flexible depending on the choices we make about how we use it.

When we're running on a tight schedule – from meeting to meeting – with barely a gap to go to the bathroom, any unexpected change to the schedule will catch us off-guard and put us in a rotten mood. In this case, we feel unable to make a choice to do what we really want to do for ourselves because we're just 'too busy' and 'there's no time'. Everything feels like it is just another thing that needs to be fitted in to an already overloaded schedule.

However, when we consciously stop our manic scheduling to take time to do something that is good for us and important for our wellbeing – something that feeds our soul – somehow, everything we need to do still gets done and at the same time we feel a whole lot better about ourselves in general.

I know that to those of you still running on hectic schedules with no breathing room, this sounds like poppycock! And the reason I know this is because I used to be one of you (and there are bits of that thinking that still remain, of course!) However, last week, when I decided to take a busy day and make sure that I prioritised the things I really wanted to do – yes, those things that if they didn't get done could wait another day, like writing my blog piece or visiting a sick friend – I found that miraculously, my urgent stuff still got done and I was in top form for the rest of the week. This pattern was reinforced every day, as long as I had the same mindset. Somehow, cancellations were like a gift to do more of the stuff I really wanted to do. My motivation and fulfilment levels were at a high. Rescheduling the cancellations happened easily and quickly. Man… I was amazed – still am! I'm sure there is no scientific explanation to this but it worked for me. I can tell a story from every day this last week where things constantly changed and manoeuvred in a way that helped me on this journey of experiencing time elasticity. No manic scheduling – just a whole lot of calm.

I'm just taking a step back and observing this new energy. It feels rather new and precious and long may it last... 

So bottom line – if you take the time to do the things you really want to do, the things that feed your soul, time will actually stretch for you.
 

Sounds wacky? I know… and I dare you to try it!

I am DONE!

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On a weekend retreat I attended recently we were asked to think about the question – who am I? and then to answer the question by completing the sentence – I am… in as many ways as we can think. The ‘obvious’ answers that came rolling off the tongue as I started the exercise were in terms of my various roles as wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, career-woman etc and then came some descriptive words and adjectives such as calm, happy, clever, funny, wacky and so on. Once I had gone through many of the descriptors that quickly rolled off my tongue, I found myself taking a moment to quiet my mind and allow words to flow without any logic and without a particular reason. I continued in this way, allowing the words to flow until my time was up.

One of the words that came through with this method was 'done' – I am done!

Upon reflection, this word really surprised me. I wasn't sure where it came from but it led me to ask myself – what are the areas where I feel I am done? 

Here are a few answers that I came up with for myself. I am done taking on work that I don’t really enjoy or want to do. I am done with superficial relationships that drain me. I am done giving permission to others to treat me in a way that puts me down. I am done making choices because I feel that I should rather than that I want to. I am done holding myself back because of what others may think about me. I am done with keeping busy for the sake of being busy. I am done with complicating things when they can be rather simple. I was amazed at how many things I could think of to be done with!

This line of thinking then led me to the question of choice – if I am done with those things, what are the possibilities that are open to me and so, what do I choose? That became quite easy to answer and got me thinking about even more things that I am free to choose. Some examples are… I choose to do work that allows me to contribute in a meaningful, fulfilling way. I choose to build relationships that are honest and allow me to be me. I choose to express myself in a way that brings who I truly am to the world. I choose to be busy with the things that I enjoy and bring fulfilment to my life.

That gave me pause… I could take a fresh look at the things that I just do without understanding quite why I do them and with the result that they make me feel miserable at least some of the time. How many of us are sitting with many things that we are tolerating just because they happen to take up space in our lives?

So now it is your turn…

What are you done with?

AND

What choices will you make as a result?